Dissection - Reinkaos (Black Metal)

As someone who once believed there was an iota of potential left in the modern black metal scene - select moments from The Epilogue to Sanity and Mindless Horror, not much else - out comes a band like Dissection to quell any hope there once was. From the Behemoth juggalo fan base pandering album name to the Watainian retard-appeasing lyrics, it's obvious from the outset that Reinkaos will be one of the worst catastrophes that has ever attempted to pass itself off as a "black metal" album.

What's perplexing about this Dissection debacle is, with black metal classics being the most accessible they've ever been (thanks to the internet), what makes these like-minded shitcore bands think they have something worthwhile to offer to a genre that is known for albums like Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, Fenrir Prowling and De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas? Sure enough, Reinkaos is the product of bored alcoholics attempting to "praise Satan" but, through their drunk torpor, only managing to record vapid noise to pacify the self-aware tone-deaf wiggers out there who need another "trve kvlt" satanic "black metal" themed mallcore accessory to flaunt for the sake of "being ev1l n shiet".

The end result is poorly stitched together sequences of indie rock scale progressions, random tremolo-picked mellow-deaf nonsense, and annoying stop-start Fear Factory/Korn one-note "riffs" thrown around without rhyme or reason. The songs on Reinkaos go nowhere, seemingly existing only for Jon Nödtveidt to effeminately whine about "2Xtreem Satanic Black Dragons" and other sub-macaque intellect level "black metal" clichés. You thought The Somberlain and Storm of the Light's Bane were moronic attempts at subverting black metal through a combination sheer brainlessness, Disney-villain lyrics and Down-syndrome wigger muzak? Jon the tard has outdone himself on Reinkaos.

The few metal elements are shoehorned in between effete cock rock that is so bad it borders on being something Anal Cunt would have recorded as a joke, but not even that adequate. Of course, one only has to look at the lyrics to know this is abysmal. "Open our eyes Mighty Father so that we may see"? How exactly is this "anti-Cosmic Satanism" different from the Christianity it purports to reject? Where early Norwegian black metal would often utilise pagan and satanic themes as a symbol of opposition to the importation of Middle-Eastern culture and ethos, Dissection use the genre as a soapbox to yell about "Father Satan" and his "Big Black Light", accomplishing little in the process except for making the genre look stupid in the eyes of anyone with a three digit IQ.

Fortunately this band's status is "on hold", and let's hope it stays this way. These kids would be wise to 1) leave metal alone 2) posthumously hang Jon Nödtveidt for his crimes against metal and intelligence and 3) figure out if they want to be Papa Roach or Bring Me The Horizon. This "album" is a document on how huffing paint, a hobby Jon Nödtveidt acquired whilst incarcerated, slowly destroys your brain cells which will lead you to believe in "the Devil" and eventually kill yourself for the "Dark Mother Divine".

"We invoke thee, Black Dragon of Chaos / We evoke thee, O mighty dragon force" - enough said.